You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
