its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
