U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
dude. I can hear the air.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
