you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
