Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
