He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
