Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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