1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
