You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
