is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
