playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
