Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
