Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
