shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
