omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
No more Irish car bombs ever.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
