She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
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