Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
