Are we in a gay sports bar?
I need to stop coming to work sober
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Randomize