Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
