Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
