Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
