We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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