So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize
