That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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