My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Even my vagina gasped.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
