Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
