I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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