I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
