I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
