i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
