when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Randomize
