i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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