cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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