I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
