Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Send help, water and tortillas.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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