i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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