...so i touched it.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize
