Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
