How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
