We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
