So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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