not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Randomize
