what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize