He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
