I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize