why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
