Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
