Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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