apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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