In the future we'll all be gay
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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