it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
