my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
