This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
