Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
