I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
