I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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