You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I need to calm my uterus...
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
