im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
