apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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