i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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