i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
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