Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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