i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
