I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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