just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
