Kiss
Puke
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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