I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
