how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize