i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Randomize
