i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
he fucked my hip out of place.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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