This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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