oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
